No matter how hard i tried, i couldn’t make my atoms split and explode and wipe out this awful place forever in a giant mushroom cloud of scum?
Are we a nation of ill, underachieving neds?
Look at all those adequately provided bins, and all those empty juice bottles on the ground.
And why are those teenage bimbo girls sitting silent and motionless on a small child’s roundabout, just gawking at iphones? Creepy.
Smells like pish.
Oops, someone’s forgotten to bin their three litre bottle of cheap cider.
Looks like someone’s had a fire. The grass is burned and a tree is destroyed.
They tried to burn a live tree?
A visit to a beach.
Watch out for the broken glass, the dog shit, the toilet roll with human ass paste smeared all over it, the litter and generally anyone else.
Like the three, young, next generation of ned, children.
Upon discovering a harmless jellyfish in its natural environment they decide to follow it as it graciously floated and flopped with the tide, before taking turns trying to smash it with rocks as their fat gormless mothers watched on smoking a fag with one nicotine yellow hand and a smart phone held desperately tight in the other, without a care or a clue to the injustice they are serving upon their own children and humanity (not to mention the fucking jellyfish) as they fail to teach their children the wonder and importance of nature and diversity and ecosystems and em…being a considerate person?!!
And as my own son can see their vulgarity he asks ‘how would they like it if we started throwing rocks at them?’
Of course i tell him we can’t condemn squishing a jellyfish while condoning the stoning of three ignorant cruel children. He understands the lesson, but inside i am thinking…why aren’t i allowed to twat those kids? Christ, even if i had tried to tell them to stop, or even spoke to them to try and educate them a little, an incident with the mothers would have kicked off. They would have hurled their massive sweaty sunburned bodies over the sand like irate elephant seals in cheap sports wear towards me, screeching to ‘leave their precious innocent bairns alane. Pedo! They’re just being bairns.’
And i couldn’t be arsed with that. Or explaining that, no, they are being young and naive human beings in need of guidance but you are obviously too lazy sitting on your wretched blubbery behinds, gossiping about someone else’s sex life and complaining about how being obese is not a valid reason to keep getting disability allowance, to bother!. Oh and also, i’m not a pedophile.
And meanwhile i’m missing the focus and enjoyment of my own family because i’m too concerned and outraged by others.
All i could do was physically move away from them. We took off along the beach in the other direction with me grumbling the whole way.
It just killed my mood slightly.
It killed the preconceived idea of the beautiful beach experience i was expecting and should have had.
It killed the idea that we are progressing as a species.
Humans are an amazingly unique, innovative and intelligent species. A genius race of architects.
So…what the fuck went wrong in Kirkcaldy?
No wonder Oliver Cromwell burned it down.